Mountain Dew and Twizzlers

One Love

2010-05-16T13:21:00.002-05:00

I've never met Yeardley Love, I've never played a game of lacrosse, and thank the good Lord, I've never lost a teammate. But I understand the bonds between teammates; the camaraderie, the fight, the love. It's family. I cannot imagine the pain that those women must be going through - and the mens team as well - and I pray that I never have to endure that type of struggle. But I also understand the need to return to the field. I was so impressed today with the outpouring from the fans and the Towson lacrosse team and the manner in which the women of UVA lacrosse composed themselves and played. My prayers to you all and may you continue to honor the memory of your fallen teammate on the field for as long as you possibly can. You have gained a new fan - not in the manner you wanted to I'm sure, but may God be with you all. ONE LOVE UVA LAX

Procrastination at it's best

2010-01-31T20:36:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I'm a little late on my end of the year wrapup posts. I guess I haven't really been in the composing mood as of late. Not that I don't want to write, it's just farther down on my priority list than it previously had been. I haven't had too many drastic changes over this past year as far as work, softball, social life, etc. But my little sister did graduate from high school and began college at UF, I went on my first cruise (graduation gift for Reagan - I got luggage. Any guess at who the favorite child is?!?!?), spent the holidays snowboarding with my sister, my brother travelled the world for 5 months and I went on a basketball trip with ISF to Malaysia. Since returning from Malaysia, God has rocked my world in more ways than I could even imagine possible. He opened my eyes to a new perspective, gave me His eyes, His heart. He's been working on my heart, Operation Peroxide as I have termed it, opening wounds too long covered and thought to be forgotten. It's difficult and I fight it to the bitter end, even knowing that it's what is best for me. But He's changing me. Shaping His bride to be the woman He designed me to be. And the end will justify the pain it took to get me there.

Thanksgiving Potluck times 2 (or 4)

2009-11-20T00:43:00.002-05:00

Tonight I held my Second Annual Pot Luck Thanksgiving Special and special it most certainly was. Technically speaking, it was the fourth potluck thanksgiving feast that I have coordinated, the first two during my last year of college and first year of grad school with the USF softball team. The tradition died once "my house" graduated but I rekindled the spirit 2 years ago with a quaint little gathering at my newly purchased house. Last year didn't work out quite as I has intended for it to and we cancelled it but this year we were back and better than ever. Twelve of my friends and family members (those terms can pretty much be interchangeable in my mind)came up/over to hang and eat some fabulous grub. We had so much food that I don't need to eat for at least a week but I have too many leftovers!! It's so amazing how quickly I can be transported back to high school or college and then transition so easily into last weekend. I love life and all of my friends. I'm so thankful for old friends and new and the traditions that we are slowly starting to build. Next tradition on tap; KNR's New Year's Snowboarding Adventures. (KD, Nate and Rachel - letters will be added as people join in our fun!!)

Dreams be Dreams

2009-10-17T12:55:00.002-05:00

If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. I'm fairly certain that I have given God more than a few good chuckles throughout my 28 years. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and my God and God has blessed me with most of the desires of my heart. But I remember as a child wanting so badly to be the first female quarterback for the University of Florida. And as I got a little older and realized that guys are WAY bigger than me, I wanted to play softball there, to stand on the football field at half time and be introduced, to be an All-American, to date a football player and walk out with him on Senior Day. I would go to med school, be married by 24, start having kids by 27. Saturday afternoons in the fall would be spent tailgating in Gainesville, a big family affair with food and TV's and playing catch and then watching the Gators destroy whoever decided to set foot in the Swamp that particular day. Or at the very least, playing football in the yard with the neighborhood kids. And yet here I am, 28, single, a USF grad who had a special place on the bench for their softball team, living in a townhouse in a community in which kids vandalize or play on patio furniture not intended to be played with instead of play football or baseball or hockey in the street. The friends that I do have don't live close and most of them are married. I keep praying for KD to have a kid so at least I'd have someone to play with soon!! So I sit, on the first cool day of the season, on my couch, by myself, watching football and writing ridiculous notes on the shortfalls of my dreams. Dreams be dreams, right? I wish the song was dreams be reality.

GAME DAY

2009-09-05T22:38:00.003-05:00

IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN!!
Opening weekend of college football and I'm so pumped. High expectations for my Gators this year. Hopefully, as the old ball coach was famous for saying, "God will smile on the Gators" once again! Yay for Timmy T. :)

PS: Oklahoma lost to BYU and lost Sam Bradford to an AC joint separation. I hate when an injury changes the entire outcome of a game. Hopefully Sam will be back soon.

Skip to Malay

2009-08-03T21:06:00.005-05:00

Two weeks ago, I returned from a 2 1/2 week basketball trip to Malaysia. Where? Malaysia!! Home to the largest air traffic control tower, the fourth tallest communications tower (which houses the highest McDonalds in the world) and the second tallest buildings in the world. And it is home to some wonderfully amazing people. A group of 7 of us, who pretty much met for the first time in Atlanta during training camp, left July 2 on a 13 hour plane flight to Toyko, followed by 7 hours to Singapore and another 70 minutes skip to Penang, Malaysia. We spent two weeks playing basketball, learning the culture, putting God only knows into our mouths, and making some amazing new friends. We went to a few home schools to share about American culture, play a little ping pong and badmittion (which we almost always lost at) and to talk a little about our beliefs. We experienced the most disguisting fruit in the world, the hottest sausage ever, fish nibbling at our feet and playing every game of basketball outdoors in a blanket of humidity. But more importantly, God used us to affect eternity. The guys especially had numerous opportunities to share and discuss religion and present the gospel as the truth and God as a loving Father. I know that what we were doing was not under the sun because Rodney reported back that this was the greatest response he has ever had to a basketball team. God used us to open doors, to plant seeds, to water the soil. I can not even begin to tell you what it feels like to be used by Him and to see even small glimpses of His hand at work. But God also did a work in me. We are, unintentionally I suppose, swayed to think that American culture has it right and that we are "superior," for lack of a better word, to others around the world. God opened my eyes and allowed me to see people as they are: people. Not skin color, not cultural differences, not language barriers. People - as they have the same happiness and the same struggles. People who are no different from me. He also allowed me to truly experience the old addage that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. While everything around me changed; the atmosphere, the people, the time change - God remained the same. Whether I'm sitting on my couch watching jeopardy or playing basketball in Malaysia. Whether Abraham is putting his son on an altar or my great grandchildren (God willing) are playing in the front yard. He is the SAME! Constant - always. God continues to humble me by also showing me how small I am in the realm of the world. In the realm of history. I cannot save, I cannot reach everyone, I am but a miniscule blimp on the universe's historical radar. But I am significant. And I make a difference. But it's not about me, not even close. Gosh, I think I could go on forever about this trip. But for the sake of my fingers and your eyes, I will leave you with a few photos of our 'Skip to Malay."

See facebook for more pics!

Only the good die young

2009-06-25T20:03:00.008-05:00

Shastin Brae Rader #23 12/19/85 - 6/17/09

I guess it's fitting that #23 would go at that very age. That's how we will all remember her. Smiling, shining, laughing, loving - number 2-3.

Shas, I've known you since you were 3 or 4, tagging along at the ball field right behind Zach, trying to catch up to me, Tatum and the rest of the 'older kids.' Shocked is the only word that can possibly describe the feeling I had when I found out. And devastated. But you are in a better place. We love you, we miss you, we are proud of you. Save a spot, preferably at short, for me in that big game in the sky.

So she knows she can dance!!

2009-06-07T18:23:00.003-05:00

On Saturday, my sister Reagan had her final dance recital - maybe ever. Each year, the seniors get to perform a solo that they choreograph. I know she's my sister so I'm a little bias, but this kid can dance. I love her!!

A No-No!!!

2009-02-23T09:03:00.003-05:00

Congratulations to Ashley Stubbs, a former player at Newsome now playing at Appalachian State, who threw a no-hitter in her third ever collegiate start. For those who aren't avid softball fans, that's the equivalent of hitting a hole in one on a par 4. It's an extremely impressive feat that most pitchers never even achieve in Little League and she's doing it in college. As a freshman! In her third start. What an accomplishment! I felt like a proud parent last night when I read the headline on goasu.com. Maybe that's strange but oh well, that's me. And not to go unnoticed - she was 5 for 7 at the plate on Sunday and is currently second on the team in batting average at .360! Once again Stubby, you are my hero! I truly hope that I will get to watch you play this season!

Just Kidding. . .

2009-02-21T22:37:00.002-05:00

Just when I think things are looking up, God says "just kidding." So much for the 'perfect' small group - it was cancelled. So much for truly enjoying Big Brothers Big Sisters - my little doesn't have an athletic bone in his body and doesn't really like sports. I think I've got it all together - it all comes crashing down with one sentence. I think I've made a good friend, maybe with the potential of something more - he goes and gets a girlfriend and I lose the friend status too. Well maybe not the status but definitely the hanging out aspect. I'm sure God has a plan for all of this, for my life in general, and I know that I need to trust Him, but it's difficult. I know He's faithful. I know He's trustworthy. And I know He has more planned for me than I can even imagine. But it's difficult. I have issues. But I want my life to be like Kelly Clarkson's new song, in which she says "I know that I have issues, but your pretty messed up too. . .my life would suck without you." I just feel that everyone in my life leaves. My best friend isn't even my best friend anymore. I can't talk to her about things. She doesn't want to be that person for me anymore. And who can blame her. I know my life is not all bad and that this is just my way of venting so that it's out and doesn't have to eat at me anymore but I get tired of things seemingly going well and then having it come crashing down. Life's wonderful. . .just kidding.

All venting aside, my life really isn't that bad. But sometimes I feel miserable.

Small group time

2009-02-06T23:28:00.004-05:00

I have been having some difficulties with different areas of my life, namely my singleness, my loneliness, my need to always be doing, helping, etc. Most of my concerns have stayed buried deep within my soul, partly because prior experience has taught me that divulging may not be the best idea and partly because 99.9% of my friends are married and don't really understand where I'm coming from. On my overwhelming need to get involved in everything, I went to one of the church's small groups last night that is geared for 18-30ish people. I was a bit petrified, as I know no one at the church at all. I truly thought that I was going to flake out and not end up going but I just felt pushed to go, despite or maybe in spite, of my insecurities. And once again God proved himself more than faithful. I met with a group of 4 singles, one of whom expressed almost every fear, thought and insecurity that had been plaguing my mind. And He decided to place on our hearts, well mainly Melissa's heart, to begin our study on the relationship of God - as Dad, as Father and as Daddy. That was and still is my biggest struggle in my relationship with God. And it's something that I know I need. God, as always, has led me in the direction that is best suited for my life. I truly need to thank Him and trust Him always.

Adven-cations and Revelations

2009-02-03T21:24:00.003-05:00

Adven-cation - Josh Ross' word for the somewhat ridiculous, surely to be life-altering trip that my brother and these four clowns pictured with him have decided was a necessity. Or something. The five of them schemed, planned, saved and begged and then packed up life as they knew it into travel backpacks and left for a land 18 hours ahead of Palmetto, FL, although deceptively similar in appearance. With no date of return and no true plan of any sort, the guys began their island hop in Auckland, New Zealand. Check out www.aliquidworld.com for updates, photos and videos. It's sure to be a 'trip!'

Now to the revelations. First, I must preface with a "God is so good," a daily revelation that I need to remember and hold dear. Yesterday I outfitted my 6 CD changer with 6 Christian albums in an attempt to constantly renew my mind and stay in Christ. Today, while on random shuffle, Barlow Girl's True Love Waits anthem "Average Girl" blasted through my speakers. I have heard this song no less than 76 times since I bought the album 4 1/2 years ago. But today was the first time I actually "listened." The chorus goes a little something like this: (feel free to imagine me singing, just make sure I sound good!!)
No more dating,
I'm just waiting
Like Sleeping Beauty,
My Prince will come for me
No more dating, I'm just waiting
'cause God is writing my love story
As I look around at my friends getting married and having children while at the same time spending far too many reflective moments alone on my couch, my soul has developed an undeliable ache. I so long for that special someone in my life, to have and to hold, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, to have children with, to play with my children, to teach them. Gosh, just talking about it makes me, aaauugghhh!! It's a constant struggle for me to wait, both spiritually and physically. And while I'm still a virgin, my mind has been far from pure. It's something that God is shoving in my face on a daily basis and for good reason. And this song was His pick-me-up-it's-going-to-be-ok-just-trust-Me revelation. Because God is writing my love story and His story is far more beautiful and amazing than anything my ridiculous mind could possibly conjure up. And I can conjure with the best! It gives me hope and I know that when I "get tired waiting 'til he comes, God's arms are the perfect place to run."

GATOR NATION

2009-01-10T14:32:00.005-05:00

The Promise

The Build Up

The Game Changer

The Clincher

The Celebration

2008 NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!!!!

The Heart, the Soul, the Inspiration for the Gator Nation.
God Bless You Tim Tebow, for your tenacity and your character!

Reflections

2008-12-29T21:47:00.004-05:00

I'm writing my end of the year post a few days early this year as starting tomorrow at approximately 5:30pm I will begin my quest to end this year and begin the next on a snowboard in the faux-snow of North Carolina. The highlights of 2008 are not quite the showy sports extravaganza of 2007 though they were significantly more important. Wedding attendance, much like everything else in 2008, began it's steady decline. I finally planted in a phenomenal church although my spiritual relationship with God was anything but rooted. I'm another year old and no more mature. I certainly thought 2008 was going to be "my year" and once again God proved his sense of humor and his dislike for me planning my own future. But all in all, 2008 was a good year.

I was able to spend a few days with my best friend in March, as she came down here for a week, and then again in July as I visited with her and Mike.

I vacationed in Boston as well and was able to watch the Sox play at Fenway! Cross one off the bucket list.

Bucket List item #2 - I went skydiving!! It was incredible

The Tampa Bay Rays were the darlings of the sports world, going from worst to first, clinching the AL East, then the ALCS before falling to the Phillies in the W.S. And I got to go to a WS game - the only one that the Rays won! How incredible - bucket list #3.

My little sister turned 18 on October 13.

My little brother graduated from college (finally) on December 13.

I developed some great relationships with my current and former high school softball players and will have the opportunity to watch four of them play this spring with their college teams - Courtney St. Amant and AayJay Jones with HCC, Jamie O'Hara with Villanova and Ashley Stubbs with Appalachian State.

I spent some quality time with old friends from both high school and college.

The Crossings Church is now my home. Prior obligations have kept me from getting involved with the young adults group and I'm hoping that will change in 2009.

I'm a BIG with Big Brothers Big Sisters. Sysqo is my little and he's a pretty cool kid.

The housing market, the ecomomy, the stock market, everything almost, hit a depressing recession.

The US elected a black president (I thought it wasn't about race) who's policies are not even borderline Socialism. 'Redistribution of wealth?' What happened to good old fashioned hard work and keeping what you earned?

That about wraps up 2008. Oh yeah, the Gators once again conquered the SEC and will play in Miami on Jan 8 against Boomer Sooner Oklahoma for the National Championship. Look familiar?? Yeah it was Jan 8, 2007 when UF beat another red and white team for the BCS championship. Deja vu??? GO GATORS!!

Cheers to 2009.

Sophomore #2

2008-12-14T02:44:00.004-05:00

Boomer Sooner! Congratulations to Sam Bradford for winning the Heisman Trophy. Let the numbers speak and he definitely deserves it. Forty-eight, that's right, 48 touchdown passes this year is insane even with playing in a conference in which defense is optional. Although my vote counts for nothing more than the expression of my opinion, I think I would have denied my heart and voted for Colt McCoy over the beloved Tim Tebow and Bradford. Truthfully though, I don't think you could have dug up three better candidates than those three wonderful young men. Character, morals, hard work, and a firm faith in God. What a wonderful platform and thank you all for using it the way God intended.

On a separate note, January 8th, Boomer Sooner will be Gator Bait! So enjoy it now, Sam!! And give a big hearty "thanks" to Timmy for knocking down yet another wall - so much for no sophomores!

THIS NEXT MONTH IS GOING TO BE FUN!!

Contemplations

2008-11-30T21:14:00.002-05:00

Am I in the right place?
Am I living for You?
Am I making a difference?
I'm tired all the time.
My head feels jumbled.
I'm lonely.
I miss my best friend.

WARNING: IT'S NOT ALL MD AND TWIZZLERS

2008-11-05T23:31:00.004-05:00

My mind has been racing nonstop for the past few weeks and it's rendering me useless. I hate thinking. I hate questioning. I hate wondering. I hate pain. But without it, there would be no growth. I wish life came with a disclaimer. And a guide book (that I understood).

One more down

2008-10-30T22:10:00.012-05:00

This past week I was able to cross another item off my "bucket list." Thanks to an awesome new friend and a very generous patient, I was able to purchase 4 tickets to Game 2 of the World Series. With these tickets I was able to bring not only my brother but my mom and my sister as well. We all had an amazing time, especially since it was the only game that the Rays happened to win. Take a peek at the "newly filled Trop."

David Price

Joe Maddon

Rocco!

Renewed

2008-10-29T17:49:00.003-05:00

The best feeling: a friendship renewed and the hope that presents for the future.

9=1

2008-10-19T23:31:00.004-05:00

TAMPA BAY RAYS - WORLD SERIES HERE WE COME!!!!

Veritas

2008-10-19T16:24:00.002-05:00

Ve-ri-tas: Latin for truth. It's also the name of the current series we are engaged in at church. It's in concordance with James Dobson's "The Truth Project," the topic of study in small group (which I'm saddened to say I'm not a part of right now). This is the third weekend of the series and I can't even begin to explain to you the impact and intensity of this study. I will follow this post with a link to the church's website if anyone cares to listen to the messages. I guess a good parallel is C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. We are delving into "what is truth?" and how it affects our lives as Christians and as human beings. I have already learned more in the past 3 weeks about the basis and underlying foundation of the various theories of thought in this world than I ever have before and I am being inundated with Biblical truths that combat and negate all those theories. Listen to the sermons yourself - any explanation I give will not do justice. But this is not the basis of my post. God's message directly to me is.

Last night I was watching last Sunday's message on my computer as I missed last week because I was out of town. It was powerful, as all of them have been, but Greg, our pastor, said one thing that really stuck. He said he doesn't want to do anything that will cause others to doubt the things that he says about who and what God is. As I was praying last night, I ask God to show me the things in my life that would cause others to doubt that God is who I say He is. And His response to me was an emphatic "Who do you say that I am? You don't say that I am anything." WOW. And it's so very true. For reasons of fear, uncertainity, lack of understanding or more likely a lack of trust, I don't verbally proclaim the name of Jesus Christ. I may be trying to live my life according to God's Word and personally grow but if no one knows why I live my life that way, what good is it to others? If this life is not about me, then I don't necessarily have to stop living like it is, but I NEED to start letting others know who it is about. And I have to trust Him, because if I don't, then it is all about me. About me thinking I know what is best. And I most certainly do not. God's great commission to us was to be 'fishers of men,' to proclaim the gospel and the love of Christ. Right now, if I was on the outside looking at my life as currently live it, it'd be like watching a TV show in mute. I can see myself doing things, but I have no idea why I'm doing it. So looking in, nothing make sense.

God's dealing with me. He's working in my heart and I'm working on trusting Him. He's proven himself over and over again to be more than faithful. Yet I still doubt. And He will continue to prove over and over again that I can trust Him.

The Crossing Church

Worst to First

2008-09-29T21:12:00.004-05:00

Who would have thought that the first winning season in the 11 year history of the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays would also be their first post-season appearance? Who would have thought that the bottom dweller, basement team with the second lowest payroll, playing in the toughest division in baseball would go from 32 games under .500 to division champions? Who would have thought that the Rays from the epicenter of the worst sports city in the country would be playing for a chance at the World Series while the Mighty Yankees sit at home. I certainly can say that it was not me. Let me go back to the beginning. . .

1995: The annnouncement is made that Tampa would be getting a baseball team to start play in 1998. I was 14, a crazy mad baseball fanatic and I can vividly picture the scene in the insanely small living room that we inhabited. I was jumping up and down, elated and then stopped and said "1998, that's like forever away. Why can't they just start now?"

March 31, 1998: First game played against the Detroit Tigers. I watched from the TV of course. I'm sure I had practice that day. They lost that game, in what proved to foreshadow the next 10 years.

1998-2003: The Ridiculous Period - drafting and trading for huge money guys which did nothing but deplete the resources and farm system of the team. However, consistently finishing dead last gives you the ability to draft first! I admittedly lost some interest but continued to attend games and watch them on TV. What can I say, I love baseball.

2003-2007: Development - the rise of Crawford and Baldelli (1999 and 2000), the trade for Kazmir, signing Aki, trades for JP Howell, Mitch Talbot, Grant Balfour, signing Carlos Pena due to injury. Changes in the front office to younger, more win now with what you have guys. My mom becoming one of the biggest Rays fans I know. Still watching and attending but expectations were low. I did call for Maddon's head last year. I'm glad my say means nothing.

2008: Changing of the (Color) Guard - so much for the girly purple and green. Say hello to powder blue and navy with bits of golden sunlight. Yes, I did call them the gays. And then went and bought all new gear. Trades for Matt Garza and Jason Bartlett, the emergence of Jamey Shields as an ace of gigantic proportions, 9=8 shirts, more #1 picks in Longoria and Price.

And what does all that give you? 97 wins. A trip to the postseason. AL East Champions. Home field advantage in the first round. And four tickets to Friday's game. I was there for the conception; jumping and cheering. And now I'm there for October. 13 years older, wiser, not so naive - but still jumping and cheering!!! And still a crazy mad baseball fanatic!

Rewind

2008-09-26T22:10:00.008-05:00

I've been a little behind with the blogging as of late so in a feeble attempt to recapture the last few months, I'm throwing together a mass post encompassing the expanse of my summer. And my obvious ineptitude in writing without runons. I digress. Despite the ridiculous amount of time I spent at the office, I managed to find some time to cross a few items off my 'bucket' list. I also spent some quality time with my sisters, blood and otherwise. A picture's worth a 1000 words right? So to save my fingers, I press rewind.

Birthday dinner with the fam (27, man I'm old)

Rascal Flatts/Taylor Swift Concert - I love my sister!

SKYDIVING!!!!

FENWAY

Me and Rhi at the game

Beautiful Boston

Harvard U Library

Jax
Fourth of July Fontana Dam NC
Mason

Smokey Mountains - amazing!

Back to Back District Champs - Newsome High School

Redemption

2008-08-10T18:15:00.005-05:00

We are going through a series called Exodus in church, a series that parallels the book of Exodus but also relates the biblical stories to present day. Today's study was on slavery and the amazing redemption of Jesus Christ. The following video was shown to wrap up the service and if I could put my life in pictures or in movie format, it would be exactly this. Words could never paint a better or more accurate picture of my struggle than what these teenagers and young adults portrayed through their interpretation of this song. It is only by the grace of God that I am here today. My life is proof enough that God still performs miracles and that His grace extends to everyone. Enjoy

Winterfest 2006 Knoxville, Tn

Caught. . .

2008-08-03T21:09:00.003-05:00

Caught between fear and uncertainty. . .

How do I proceed?

I need to trust you Father, to trust myself to trust you. I'm so afraid to fall again, to subconsciously and unknowingly put someone else in Your place. My fear keeps me guarded yet I desire to open the door. The uncertainity of what may happen if I do renders me motionless. The key is still in the drawer. I guess that's where faith comes into play. Sometimes I wish you had an audible voice. Ok, most of the time. How bout all the time. That would make things significantly easier for me.

Caught between fear and uncertainty. . .

In all things.

Risk = failure, hurt, pain
Risk = reward, joy, life
But none of it comes without faith.

Caught. . .in the arms of Your mercy and grace and love.

Patience is a virtue. . .

2008-07-28T20:29:00.002-05:00

. . .and mine is wearing thin.

Father, comfort my heart. I need you to love me and let that be enough.

What a crap year for sports. . . EXCEPT THE RAYS!!!!!!

2008-07-02T21:41:00.003-05:00

After the first 83 games of the season THE TAMPA BAY RAYS HAVE THE BEST RECORD IN BASEBALL AT 51-32.

Wait, one more time. . .I don't think I read that right.

THE TAMPA BAY RAYS HAVE THE BEST RECORD IN BASEBALL!!!!

GO RAYS!!

What a crap year for sports

2008-06-01T21:28:00.001-05:00

I know that it is only June, but it has not been a good year for me as far as sports teams go. And I hate losing. And I don't lose well. I definitely get over it much quicker than I used to but it still doesn't mean that it's any easier. I have my team, and I put my heart and soul into that team. First, the Colts lost in the playoffs which wasn't excruiating but it was still tough. Then my high school softball team lost in the regional finals. That was heartbreaking. It took a good two weeks to brush that one off. Sometimes it still gets to me. I wanted that state championship for my seniors. Then my brother, who plays baseball for the two time defending Division 2 champs University of Tampa Spartans, goes to St. Louis for the three peat and they "2 and Bar-B-Qued." Ryan had to end his playing career on a very sour note. That one was pretty excruiating as well because he's my brother. Then tonight, my Florida Gators, making it to the WCWS for the first time ever, as the number one overall seed, lose to Texas A&M in 9 innings. Ahhh. I hate losing. I hate losing. Unfortunately, it's part of life. Thank you God for letting me learn something each time that I do. And for softening my heart to take the losses, be it athletically, emotionally, physically or personally, with a better sense of the overall picture. Life moves on. God has a plan. As the guy in the back of church hollered out this morning "ALL things work for the GOOD of those who LOVE Him, who have been CALLED according to HIS PURPOSE!" Thank you Father.

It never gets easier

2008-04-30T21:51:00.001-05:00

I hate losing. Plain and simple. . .hate losing. I don't lose well, especially with softball. I get angry - internalized anger- and I replay the game, wondering what I could do better, how I could get the best out of my team and out of myself. I know that I can't toss a mulligan and redo anything but losing just eats at me. This particular loss is not going to sit well with me. The high school team that I coach lost in the regional finals this season. One game away from state - the absolute worst place to lose in my mind. We just didn't play our game last night and the team we played definitely played their game. But I have a tendency to take losses squarely on my shoulders and I'm doing that again now. Granted, I can't go out and make the plays or swing the bat but I called some really crappy pitches last night and I know better. And that kills me. I wanted it so bad this year. Yes, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it for myself. But more than anything else, I wanted it for my five seniors. Those girls deserved to, at the very least, make it back to states. They deserve to hold that state championship trophy. I wanted it so badly for them. And, being selfish, I didn't want to lose because I didn't want it to be the end of the road with them. I have a great relationship with the girls this year, those five in particular. It's extremely hard knowing that they won't be out on that field and in the dugout next time we head out there. I know that everything changes and people move on but man, I love those girls and I'm going to really miss them. I wish I could have sent them out on a great note! AHH, I so hate losing.

Repeat for 8!

2008-04-08T21:03:00.002-05:00

Just finished watching the Lady Vols beat Stanford to win their second straight and 8th overall national championship. Talk about a dynasty. Candace Parker may be the catalyst for this team, but tonight it was a total team effort. Nicky Anosike was off the chain! Twelve points, 6 steals, 8 rebounds. 6 Steals - this is a 6'4" power forward mind you. Off the meat hook! :) Seriously though, I have so much respect for Pat Summitt and her success as a coach. She is an incredible teacher, motivator, mover and shaker. She's a fireball, has undeniable passion and inspires her team to play with insane intensity. I love her. I do feel for Stanford's Candice Wiggins. What an incredible basketball player and an even better person. I truly wish she would have had her chance to raise that trophy. But I'm glad it wasn't at the expense of my Lady Vols. Congrats to the Vols and to Pat Summitt. And to 'Ace' and 'Ice' on incredible collegiate careers and for making the last 3 years memorable to watch.

On a separate note, two Fridays ago we had our Senior Night for the high school. We are losing 6 seniors this year - 4 starters, our "10th man," and our manager, who has more heart than all of them. What a tremendous group of young ladies that will truly be missed. I gave each of them a card, personalized with a little inspiring message for each. The hardest one to write was for our second baseman, who is definitely not the most talented player on the team, but is unquestionably the most outspoken with her thoughts and feelings. And wants to win as badly as anyone else. I didn't realize how difficult it would be to write her card until I pulled into the parking lot at the school and still had not finished it. And would you believe it, she was the only one who came up to me and gave me a hug after she read it. I'm truly going to miss that kid. There is something truly special about her. I wish all of those girls nothing but the absolute best in everything that they seek to do in their future. And I am so thankful for the opportunity to have worked with them and gotten to know them over the past two years. Districts start next week. 8 to win states. I want those 6 to hold that trophy.

Life Lessons

2008-03-13T22:24:00.002-05:00

I'm currently reading Mike Krzyzewski's book Beyond Basketball, a book that details one word phrases that Coach K not only employs in his coaching career but also in his life. Throughout this book, Coach K provides his definitions to these words and also gives us real life examples of how these every day things have enhanced his life. I have learned so much just by reading but tonight I was able to put some of his principles into action. I've always been one to try to get to really know people, what makes them tick, how to make them smile, etc. Tonight I stopped into Beef O Brady's after our high school softball game to grab a bit to eat, catch the Gator game and say hello to one of my patient's who works there. Well, after about 15-20 minutes, some of my high school girls came in and decided to sit with me. We spent a good hour just hanging out and talking, having a good time and enjoying each others presence. It was awesome. I love these girls as if they were family and I would do anything for them. And I know that I will remember with fondness this night and the time we spent together. And I hope they will as well. I learn something from them every time I'm around them. And I hope that they learn something from me - how to care, how to be a friend, how to love. And maybe a little about softball in the process. Live, laugh, love - that's what life's about anyway.

The Perils of Complacency

2008-03-01T23:38:00.003-05:00

It's been a whirlwind of a month as far as softball is concerned. After high expectations, we came out completely flat, sporting a fabulous 2-4 record after our first 6 games. For a team returning all 9 starters from last season, 2-4 is outlandishly unacceptable. And the worst part is, we have 3 freshmen who have earned starting positions and have relegated returners to the bench. The tension palpable, the result detrimental. As coaches, we were at our wits end. There was no team, no togetherness, no pride, no effort. We were a state semifinal team last year - top 4 in the state in our division and the girls could not have cared less. Complacency, a lack of caring, a lack of communication, collective responsibility, pride and leadership. So, upon my suggestion, we took away locker room privileges and their uniforms. If they couldn't play like a team, they didn't deserve the perks of a team. If they couldn't appreciate what they were given, then we were going to take it away until they learned. The result: 5 straight wins. Granted the talent of the teams we have played is somewhat suspect but 4 of the 5 wins have been run rule wins. They are finally starting to play a little better and act more like a team. We still have a LONG way to go, but at least they uniforms are back. Thank goodness because they looked very Bush league. And it was killing me to keep those perks away from them. I love those kids and I love that game. I wish I could just get those kids to love the game. We have the talent to be a top tier program. And we have no excuses not to be. The level of complacency will determine our success. I want them to be happy if they played well, but never satisfied. There is always something more to learn. Have the hunger, have the passion, have the love. And there will be no complacency. Let's win out.

Welcome to the Show

2008-02-10T03:49:00.001-05:00

After a somewhat surprising and generally overlooked 2007 season which garnished a state semifinal appearance, the 2008 Newsome softball team was lavished with preseason accolades and attention. The Tampa Tribune ranked the '08 squad as the second best team in the county, second only to the perennial powerhouse Chamberlain Chiefs. Second in the county may not sound like a noteworthy accomplishment but when you have 28 high schools within said county that field a softball team, that's pretty impressive. We began our quest to State in '08 against an always powerful Durant Cougar team last Tuesday night. And for the first 3 innings of 3-0 Newsome domination, it looked to be a steak night at Outback. But then the wheels came off. At the end of 4 it was 9-3 Durant and at the end of seven, when the game is officially 'in the books,' the Cougars joyously walked off our field with a 10-6 victory. One terrible inning; that seems to be the common theme. But the good news is that our mistakes were all correctable mistakes, something we can work on in practice and it showed us the areas we need to improve on. It was a good lesson in both playing and coaching as we made mistakes as well. But I was sufficiently pleased with the progress made Thursday in practice and I am looking forward to the big Sarasota Riverview tournament this weekend. Our ace has to pull through and get her head on straight. And the team needs to follow the leaders. But we'll be ok. I'd rather peak later in the season anyway. Our theme for the year:

"Champions are champions not because they do anything extraordinary but because they do the ordinary things better than any one else." Chuck Noll 1970's Pittsburgh Steelers.

Facing the GIANTS

2008-02-03T22:27:00.000-05:00

18-1. By all appearances, it's a record any football team would pay to have. Except when the 1 is the Super Bowl. So goes the story of the 2007 New England Patriots. Records fell in '07. Touchdown throws, touchdown catches, most explosive offense in NFL history. A Bellick coached defense. 16-0 regular season. No touchdowns allowed in 10 postseason quarters. And in walks the New York Giants, definitely not the Goliath in this story, with their mediocre quarterback who could only hope and dream of being half the quarterback that his brother is. In walks an NFC wild card team that has played every postseason game on the road. In walks a team that came within 3 points of beating New England in the last regular season game. In walks the Giants, the team that wanted it more. And out walks the perfect season. I'm not taking anything away from the Patriots - they had an absolutely tremendous season. But damn, that was the best Super Bowl I've ever seen. The Giants dominated that game and the mediocre quarterback lead his team 83 yards in 3 minutes, scrambled away from a sure sack, found David Tyree who had maybe 3 catches all year, who makes a mind blowing catch 30 some odd yards down field and then tosses a beautiful pass to Plaxico for the game winner. What? Yeah. That wasn't Peyton. That was Eli. Facing the Giants wasn't a walking in the park. Or a leisurely stroll in Manhattan with flowers and a walking boot. Thanks to Tom Terrific and New England for a historical season, scandals and media frenzies, thanks to both teams for the best Super Bowl ever and congratulations to the Mara family and the New York football Giants. I love football. And I'm changing my last name to Manning.

Balance

2008-01-07T22:34:00.000-05:00

Today was the first day of tryouts for high school softball. We should have a bang up team, losing only one senior from last year and no starters. Except we may be losing three starters because of grades. And not just any starters - our catcher and team leader, our shortstop and our second baseman, who is also possibly the quickest person on our team. C'est la vive I suppose. Now we just have to work with what we have. It's going to be difficult for our pitcher to go out and throw to a freshman but she's going to have to be our leader. I have faith in Stubbs though; she's a pretty tough kid, physically and mentally. For me, I'm excited about the prospect of being able to be at tryouts three days this week and at practice one day a week from now on. My biggest issue however is going to be maintaining balance. Between work, having a student under me at work, and coaching, I have a feeling something is going to slip. And lately I've been feeling complacent at work and don't think I've been giving my all to my patients. And I'm tired of the same old exercises. I need to find something new and different. And I think my complacency is an overall life thing. I've accomplished so much, thanks to God and his tremendous blessings, but now I feel as though I have no place to go; nothing to strive for. It's tough for me. I like always having something to work for, to strive for, to accomplish, but truthfully, maybe I need to be better at enjoying what I have instead of always wanting something more out of my life.

Thanks for the Memories

2008-01-01T09:26:00.000-05:00

'Tis the first day of the year '08. Time for my reflections on the year gone by. Technically this post should have come some time yesterday but I'll explain that momentarily. I will preface my laundry list of 'Revellin' in '07" by saying that to date, 2007 was the best year of my life. It had it's ups and it's downs as do all things in life, but overall '07 was a truly phenomenal year and I am sad to see her go. But I will remember her with fondness as I ride my joy into this next year!

Rachel's top sports moments of 2007

January 1 - Underdog Boise State, from the non-BCS WAC, captures the heart of the American Spirit like no one since Rocky as they defeat national powerhouse Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl. And they have the top two plays of 2007 with the last second Hook-and-Ladder to send the game to overtime and then the game-winning and incredibly risky Statue of Liberty two point conversion. And then Ian Johnson proposes!
January 8 - A mere seven days later, on the very same field in which Boise's orange and blue pulled of the incredible upset, my Florida Gators prove that the SEC rocks and trounce Ohio State 41-14 to bring home the coveted Sears Trophy. The football national championship makes Florida the only school to hold both the men's basketball and football national championship in the same year.
Mid-January - A quick weekend trip to North Carolina to visit with my newly transplanted grad student of a best friend leaves me with a mild concussion after I try to conquer the blue square run in my first ever battle with a snowboard. Not to mention that it was really my first time being in snow since I was 8. Note to all: try the bunny hill first. Snowboarding is not like wakeboarding. But I was back at it 30 minutes later.
February 4 - The nation become enamored with Peyton Manning for something other than his commercials as he and Tony Dungy lead the Indianapolis Colts to the Super Bowl XLI win. Dungy stays true to himself and his faith and continues to be a testament to the Lord.
March Madness!! VCU over Duke - need I say more. (I picked that by the way)
April 2 - The Orange and Blue defeat the Suckeyes again, this time in the Men's Basketball Championship, rendering Florida as the first back-to-back champions since Duke in '92-'93. Three in a row for the Orange and Blue, Orange and Blue, Fight, Fight for YOU!! GO GATORS!!
April 3 - My favorite women's basketball program - the Tennessee Lady Vols, under the direction of the incredible Pat Summit bring home their seventh, count them, 7th, national championship! Candice Parker is amazing!
May 11 - The Wolves of Newsome High School fall short in their quest for a softball state championship in only their fourth year of existence, losing to West Boca 6-0 in the state semifinals. As a first year assistant coach, I can truly say that I don't think I've ever had so much fun. I love those girls and can't wait for the spring. State in '08 baby!!
September 1 - The beginning of the end for normality in college football as Division 1-AA Appalachian State, where my Newsome pitcher will play softball, walks out of the Big House in Ann Arbor with a shocking defeat of perennial powerhouse, number 5 in country, team with a shot to win it all, Michigan Wolverines! May have been the biggest shock of the season but definitely not the last.
September 8 - The upstart USF Bulls, and my alma mater, traveled to the SEC for the second time, taking on an Auburn team lead by a fifth-year senior. And walked out of Jordan-Hare with a 26-23 overtime victory, moving the Bulls into the top 25 for the first time in school history. In what was by far the sloppiest game I've ever seen played, we somehow managed to pull it out. Auburn's a great place to visit by the way. Love the hospitality and the atmosphere.
September 28 - The #18 Bulls host #5 West Virginia in the first ever sold out game at RayJay and hold WVU's tandem of Pat White and Steve Slaton to minimal yardage, coming away with a 21-13 victory. And my best friend was in town for that game!! Even though the year ended sourly for the Bulls,the packed house was A-Maz-ing!
September/October - The under the radar Colorado Rockies win 21 of 22 games down the stretch, including an improbable 5-4 13 inning debacle in a play-off game against the San Diego Padres to move into postseason play. The streak continued as the Rockies downed the Phillies then the Division Rival Diamondbacks before coming up short again the Sox in the series. Did Matt Holliday touch the plate?? Who cares! This is by far one of the greatest stories in baseball.
OCTOBER!!! - There is only one October and for the second time in four years, the Boston Red Sox are World Series Champions!! I love my Sox. And with the sweep of the Rockies, I present the best story in baseball. Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester picks up the clinching game four victory merely 13 1/2 months after he was diagnosed with leukemia. In the endearing words of the great Jim 'Jimmy V' Valvano "Don't give up, don't ever give up." Congratulations Jon!
November 24 - Florida 45 FSU 12. Rout! Four in a row against FSU. But the best part was bringing my sister to the game with me .We had an absolute blast!!

Rachel's top life moments of 2007

I was privileged to be in three weddings this year: Sarah and Brad Stanford, KD and Nate Johnson, and my best friend's Nicole and Mike Greene. I'm truly blessed by all of their friendships and to be asked to be in a wedding is truly a great compliment.
I was able to visit my best friend four times this year. Even if some of them were very brief, it was still awesome. I love her and miss her. My 'little sister.'
Coaching - it's truly amazing
I love my job tremendously and have met some truly incredible people. Thank you all for making my life more interesting! And more full of life. I''m indebted.
My relationship with God grew in leaps and bounds and I truly experienced His love for me - His unconditional love for me. And I have accepted that. Life is so much more meaningful now.
I bought a house!
I bought a car! That's what I was doing yesterday, therefore no post.
I was able to spend quality time with friends this year, making the effort to get together whenever possible. And it was capped by a small reunion of the "AP Posse" on December 30th as all of us were in town for the holidays! Great times and good friends. Live to love and laugh alot. And I never wanted nothin' more!!

To 2007 - thanks for the memories.

To 2008 - You have some big shoes to fill!! :) I look forward to what God has in store for me and hope to enjoy this year more than the last. To each and to all - Happy New Year and God Bless. I love you all!

HE15MAN!!!

2007-12-08T22:09:00.000-05:00

I'm in love!!

He's got my vote

2007-10-22T21:44:00.000-05:00

Forget the Heisman, I'm writing him in for President. Why not? He can do everything else. I heard that Chuck Norris wears Tebow jammies. That's big time. And he's HOT!!

No. 2/3 South Florida

2007-10-14T14:34:00.000-05:00

Are you serious? Um. . .yeah! It's not only watch out BIG EAST there's a new beast on the loose, it's watch out Ohio State there's another team from Florida on it's way to dethrone you. And it's the 'other' team. The team that's only in its infancy as compared to the storied programs of college football. The stampede is in full force. It wasn't very long ago that the only people wearing USF apparel were the athletes who got the clothes for free. Now I walk into sporting goods stores around the bay area and not only are there racks of USF memorabilia (which was all but lost in translation 2 months ago) but there are people literally ripping clothing off the racks all the while saying, "Hey USF stuff!" No, I'm not a bandwagon fan. I never had a problem wearing my softball clothes. But now I don't have to explain and I can enjoy the football games with 65,000 others instead of just 15,000! I am thrilled for my alma mater!! Finally something other than my softball program to be proud of. There's still orange and blue in my blood and that will never leave but the pride for my alma mater just continues to grow. Go Bulls, beat Rutgers!!

There's only one October!!

2007-10-03T06:40:00.000-05:00

As the leaves change, the temperature cools and the wind begins to nip (unless you live in the hotbox that is Florida), the sporting world begins to heat up. Welcome to October! And yes, there is only one October. And it happens to be my favorite month of the year! Some of the biggest regular season college football games, the NFL in full swing but more importantly, the baseball postseason looms. I'm a baseball girl. I love this game. I live for this. Tripleheader today, tripleheader tomorrow. I can't get enough. I want all series to go to the deciding game not only because it makes life more exciting but because I get more baseball!! I love it! And what I love even more, my BoSox are back. And Beckett's throwing tonight. Here we go boys! I'll take 2 championships in 4 years!! Go Sox So!! (But I do love all the 'surprise' teams, D-backs, Rockies, and I guess I wouldn't take it too personally if the Cubbies won it all. They deserve it. Plus that means we'll get cool stuff at the office from Sweet Lou!!) I LOVE THIS GAME!! :)

The Best College Football Team in Florida

2007-09-30T11:33:00.000-05:00

No, it's not one of the 'Big three,' no roars from my beloved Swamp, no Seminole war chants, no swirling Hurricane winds. It's the Stampede coming from Raymond James in the TPA. It's the BULLS from the University of South Florida. The once communter school that you only went to if you couldn't get into UF or FSU. It's the school that, on my recruiting visit in 1998, only their second year of football, sported a crowd of maybe 5,000. And the student section didn't even fill the entire corner section of the endzone. It's the school in which I experienced the growth first hand, with the team, inside the athletic department, the student body and now into the community. Now, don't get me wrong, my roots lay in Gainesville, but my Bulls are finally coming to the forefront. I am proud to be a USF Bull!! Success breeds success. Top 10 football team, top 10 men's soccer team, NCAA tournament participant women's basketball team, BIG EAST champion women's tennis team, 9 time NCAA regional tournament participant and 2006 regional champion women's softball program (my program!) GO BULLS!!!!!

Remember

2007-09-13T22:46:00.000-05:00

Adam Green

12/11/82 - 9/13/03

We love you and miss you buddy!

BULL-ieve it Baby!

2007-09-10T08:51:00.001-05:00

Yeah, you read that right. Auburn 23 USF 26! How's that for a second rate football team. Those boys, along with 2700 crazed USF fans and alumni (myself included), waltzed into the fabled Jordan Hare Stadium on the campus of Auburn University, where they have been playing football since 1885, and danced out with a HUGE win in what was quite possibly the sloppiest played game I have ever seen in my entire life. But as the saying goes, "a win is a win don't matter how you shake it." And let me tell you, I don't think I have ever heard a stadium as quiet as the "Hare" was when Jessie Hester reeled in that TD in the corner of the end zone. I was sitting with the Auburn alumni, on the complete opposite side of the stadium from the rest of the USF conglomerate and I could clearly hear the yells from the far end zone. And my own screams and shouts of joy! But I will say that Auburn fans are probably some of the nicest people I have ever met in my life. They were so cool prior to the game and after the game I couldn't tell you how many of them congratulated us as we walked back to the car. And the campus is beautiful. Had I not followed the lure of college softball or forsaken my first love of UF, I would have made a great Southern Belle! To Auburn and their crazy War Eagle (which I still don't understand), thank you for a marvelous weekend of kindness and hospitality. AND GO BULLS!!!

The outside of Jordan Hare

Celebration

AU's president's house

My 2nd Annual 25th Birthday!

2007-08-19T10:52:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be 26, now kissing my mid-20's good-bye. I tell people that I'm celebrating my 2nd Annual 25th birthday, partially because 26 sounds old and partially because 25 was such a phenomenal year. Let me recap some highlights if I may:

My best friend got engaged in September
The Cards won the World Series with former Gator David Eckstein as MVP
Florida proved what we've always known - the SEC is the most dominate conference around! Yep that's right, the 41-14 trouncing of THE Ohio State University to win the BCS National Championship!! GO GATORS!!
My Colts with cutie Peyton and Tony D won the Super Bowl
Florida repeated as basketball National Champions!! As my sister says: NO-AHH!! (Not this yeay OSU! HA!)
Pat Summit and the Tennesssee Lady Vols won the women's basketball championship!! Lady Vols Rock!
I helped coach a high school softball team this year and we went to states in only the fourth year of the school's existence! And I LOVED it!!! NEWSOME WOLVES!!
A softball player from Arizona won the ESPY for Female Athlete of the Year!! 'Bout time we got some recognition.
I LOVE my job!
I got to visit my best friend four times this year
My best friend got married to the love of her life, Congrats Nicole and Mike. I love you guys!
Most importantly, after two of the most tumoltuous months of my life (October and November) that ended 2 of the most painstaking years of my life, I hit rock bottom and Jesus was still standing there, picking me up when I couldn't move. I renewed my relationship with Him, embraced his love for me as I am and have daily tried to grow in His love. I struggle, more times than not, but I'm fully convinced and aware that His love for me never changes, that He's always there and that He always loves me. I stand comforted and complete in His embrace. I love life and I love Jesus!!

So many incredible things have happened in my 25th year that I'm very hesistant to leave it - as though I have some sort of choice. I have a small fear that the bad will creep through again and I will lose my happiness and my hope. But I'm choosing to forgo my fears and give the future to God. He knows it anyway, I might as well let Him direct me. For too long I've tried to make God's will fit into Rachel's plan. But it doesn't work that way. I have to let go of my need for control and let God lead me. As Brennan Manning says in his book The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus, "Keep going blindly. Take delight in knowing nothing about the future." So with that in mind, Bible in hand and Jesus by my side, I'm taking an Indiana Jones step of faith off the cliff that was 25 and plunging blindly into year 26, trusting that God placed a rock there for me to step out on. I'm looking forward to what God has in store for me out there!

My Best Friend's Wedding!!

2007-08-13T21:02:00.001-05:00

My very best friend in the enitre world got married Saturday!! She was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. And she married the love of her life, a man who loves her as much as any man can love a woman, who, at the very sound of his voice or his presence in a room makes her incredible smile that much more expressive. And vice versa. They are like little kids in love! They are such a lovely couple and I am overjoyed to have been a part of the happiest day of their lives. I love them both so very much. Congratulations Michael and Nicole GREENE!!!!! I love you little sis!

(wedding pics to follow soon!!)

PS: John, you were an awesome officiant!! Hope you filled out the marriage license correctly; jail in Wisconsin is probably really cold!! ;)

Belated Birthday Post

2007-08-13T20:52:00.000-05:00

My best friend and I!! She turned 23 August 1st. How much we've changed since this picture!! I love her like a sister!!

Prayer Request

2007-07-30T21:20:00.000-05:00

I often wonder why, after asking God so many times to take away all of the issues that I continue to struggle with, the struggles are still an avid part of my mind and sometimes my actions. It's not that I don't want my sins to be taken away, I truly do and I want to live for Christ. I continually think that I'm doing something wrong because God won't help me. I heard something tonight while listening to a podcast of a sermon a few weeks back that really hit home. The pastor said something to the affect of sometimes God ignores the plea for smaller issues in order to keep us from engaging in "bigger" sins. The sentence at first listen meant nothing to me. But then the pastor went on to explain that a good reason why God did not remove his problem with lust was to keep from engaging in the problem of pride. He said that most likely if God would have removed the problem of lust, the pastor would have said "yeah, I beat this lust thing." And therein lays the issue. "I." His next point was that it is not about my will power, it's about Christ in me. There are some issues and areas of my life in which I have given God complete control over. But then there are others, my big ones, in which I am trying too hard to fix. In which I would most likely claim the glory. God can't take away my smaller problems if I can't humble myself before him and trust in the only thing that makes me new - His supernatural power, His grace, mercy and love. There are areas in my life that I constantly struggle with; mostly my fear of being alone and never experiencing love which leads to mental lust, and defining myself as a screw up. That last part I am becoming much better with, thanks completely to God's love for me, but I still have one particular area in which I consider myself a screw up because of a past experience and I can't let go. Because I'm trying too hard to let go. Or to fix it. And it's keeping me from trusting God, from trusting others and from trusting myself. So my request to those who read this is just to pray that God would transform my heart, that he would humble my heart and my pride and that I would let go and allow him to work. Because I can't do it, only He can.

The Morning Sun

2007-06-27T20:02:00.000-05:00

Sunday morning I was reminded of God's beauty and God's love for me. I spent some time alone with God and my thoughts out at Emerson Point. It's an old indian ground that is now a park/preservation for wildlife. I sat in a chair at the very tip of the Point and relished the beauty of the river to my left, the skyway and the bay to my right and the fabulous Gulf of Mexico in front of me. There are no beaches at Emerson Point, just patches of sand around the mangroves and a sand-made boat ramp that most people use for their kayaks and canoes. I sat there that morning, letting the gentle breeze caress my skin and realized, maybe for the first time, that I am truly in love with God. And that he absolutely adores me. I have always had a hard time understanding how a figure that does not physically exist loves me. But in seeing the beauty of the ocean, the soft ripple of the waves along the sandy shore, the elegance and grace of the sunset over the water, I understand. For me, understanding God's love comes in his creation. In the water, the beach, the sunset. I am in love with the sunset over the ocean. And I am truly in love with it's Creator. And he is enamored with me. He has given me all of this, and SO many other blessings too numerous to count. And he's given them to me free.

3rd Annual Big Kids Party

2007-05-19T19:09:00.000-05:00

Today I attended Brian and Laura Johnson's 3rd annual Big Kids party. Basically, it's a party that is exactly what it sounds like. A bunch of "adults" get together and play kids games, all the while eating and drinking, of course. One of my good friends, KD, is engaged to Brian's brother Nate but the circle goes on from there. I saw a TON of people that I knew from my days as a private school kid. And then my sister came along in 4th grade and bumped my brother and I from the ranks of bratty rich kids. Although we were never rich to begin with. I digress. I had a blast, although this year's party was much subdued because of 3 infants and three mothers-to-be. But for the excitement that was not crying kids and dirty diapers, Craig and I dominated at badmitton, beating KD and Nate 15-11 for the title, and KD and I are definitely water balloon toss champs!! Nate ate his words when his partner dropped the balloon on the very first toss. Nice hands Craiger - that's why he's a pitcher!! And I will definitely have to say that I am the corn hole queen! I hit at least four corn holes during the game. Too bad my partner was seeing two boards and couldn't hit either one!! I don't know who signed my up for the hoola hoop competition but they will pay!! And Craig was a bust for the slip n slide competition although I don't think anyone could have topped Gavin's 'rolypoly' down the tarp! All in all, great party, can't wait till next year and we get babysitters for the chillins. Not that I have to worry about that any time soon!

"All good things. . .

2007-05-12T21:47:00.000-05:00

. . .we ended our season last night with a 6-0 loss to West Boca Raton in the state semifinals. I could spend the time writing about all the little nuances of the game and things that went wrong but I'm not going to. When I started helping out this season, and I use 'helping out' loosely because I can only make it out to the games, I wondered what I got myself into. Our first preseason game was a 10-0 throttling by Countryside and our first regular season game, our "stud" pitcher walked 6 batters and hit 2 in 4 1/3 inning, our next pitcher walked 3 and we made 5 errors. Exactly. Then our ace pitcher breaks her glove hand thumb, still plays, but has a broken thumb. Another pitcher breaks her thumb on her throwing hand, our catcher breaks her wrist, our centerfield subluxes a shoulder, and our ace pitcher, now recovered from previous broken thumb, chokes on her mouthpiece and then goes into a convulsive seizure-like shock from lack of oxygen. Yeah. I never in a million years thought states was a possibility this year. Until after a district game against Freedom three weeks prior to the seasons end, in which we lost 3-1. Our pitcher threw phenomenal, our defense sucked and so did our hitting but there was something about that game that made everything click for the rest of the season. And I started to believe. Then came the Durant game. Second in the county, 6th in the state; they were the team to beat. And we beat them 1-0 on sensational bulldog pitching and incredible defense. But more important than our 'run to the states' was the way this team came together, as a team. They were a group of 17 individuals who cared primarily about how good they were as individuals. Now we have 17 individuals who care only about how good we are as a team. I could not be more proud of a group of girls than I am of these girls. I am priviledged to have had the opportunity to coach them, to try to teach them the game that I love and to watch them come together as a team. I hope that in some way, I was able to teach them something, because they surely have taught me more than I ever expected! I love you girls and I am so proud of you all. And with losing only one senior, everyone else better watch out! NEWSOME WOLVES STATES 2007 and we're coming back to "Dominate in '08!!!!!!!!!"

Once Again. . .IT'S GREAT TO BE A FLORIDA GATOR!!!

2007-04-02T23:44:00.000-05:00

It's not about the past, it's not about your future, it's about living in the moment, it's about right now!!

GO GATORS!

And we're back!

2007-03-05T21:38:00.000-05:00

Spring is in the air. Well it may still be winter for all of you northerly folks but here in the Sunshine State and in the desert, spring is in the air. Listenly closely for the smack of the leather hitting wood, the chatter, the popping of the mitt. Yes, we welcome March with open arms. Fresh cut grass, lazy afternoons at the field, hot dogs at the ball park. And to top it all off, March Madness begins in a week. Pure, unadulterated hoops. Kids playing for pride, full of passion. The season of bracket busters, diaper dandies, and underdogs dominating headlines. What a wonderful month March is!!

On a separate but coinciding note, I'm helping coach a high school softball team. Newsome High in Brandon. We are 6-3 right now and really starting to click. We are hitting well, playing decent defense and our pitchers are really starting to dominate. When we are running on all cylinders, we are going to be a tough team to beat. I'm so proud of one of our pitchers. I named her Rachel's hero of the week for last week. She is playing with a broken thumb on her glove hand and it hurts just to put the glove on her hand. She's sucking it up and playing and she has thrown better the last two games (with the broken thumb) than she has yet this season. Take a peek at Friday night's stat line: 7 innings, 3 hits, 6 K's, 1 walk, 1-3 with a double at the plate, 4-0 victory and my favorite stat 21 of 28 first pitch strikes. Atta Kid Stubby! Guts. I love that kid.

Because hard work pays off!!

2007-02-18T22:00:00.000-05:00

Carly Griffin is my hero!!!! At least for today! You see, Carly is a junior outfielder for the University of South Florida; my alma mater I might add. She's been on injured reserve all fall and part of the spring rehabing a shoulder injury. Today was her first day back in the line up. In the first game, she went 0-2 with a walk. However, the first at bat in game 2, she turned on an inside pitch and drilled it over the left field fence! This girl has had two major shoulder surgeries in the last 8 months. She has been working her butt off to get herself and the shoulder back into playing shape. And granted, she and I both know that the shoulder is not 100%, but it's playable. And the inside pitch has been the toughest because her arm just won't really go where she needs it to in order to turn on the ball. But she's pushed herself and hit and hit and rehabed and hit and hit and rehabed some more to get the shoulder to move and to regain it's strength. Two for three in the second game of the day. So daggum awesome! I am so happy for her. I know how difficult it is; I've been there. And I know how hard she has worked over the past 2 1/2 months; I'm her physical therapist. There are only a few times in my life that I have ever been happier than I am right now. One - my best friend's engagement. Two - i'm sure there is something else regarding my best friend or my brother or my sister but right now I can't think. I'm too happy to think. I'm estatic! In the words of the crazy 'Dickie V.' "It's awesome baby!!!" Congratulations Carly!!

GO COLTS!!

2007-01-21T22:31:00.000-05:00

I don't think I need to say anything. Peyton exorcised whatever demons may have been plaguing him after the INT to Asante Samuel. But more than anything, this is a very humble team. And to see that, you need to look no farther than the owner and the coach, who gave the credit exactly where it was due. To God. And not in the way that the thugish rappers grit their teeth and spout out something that their actions demonstrate everything but. This was a true and heartfelt and honest tribute of thankfulness given to the Lord. You could hear it in their voices, see it in their eyes and more importantly, you can see it in their actions. And it was received with thunderous applause from the crowd. God bless Tony Dungy and the entire Colts organization! Thank you for being a classy group of individuals and more importantly a humble and God loving organization. A true example of what sports should be. GO COLTS!

The Fragility of Life

2007-01-17T20:00:00.000-05:00

USF Athletics Suffers Tragic Loss in Death of Keeley Dorsey

A story that is become all to frequent throughout the sporting world - an athlete passing out during a workout and dying. Each and every time it catches my attention and it causes me to reflect on how short life really is, and then I tend to forget about it. Now it hits much closer to home - to my alma mater, a place where I am still very much plugged into, where I know many of the football players, almost all the coaches and training staff and many of the athletic staff and athletes from various teams. I did not know Keeley Dorsey but that does not make his death any less heartfelt or tragic. The ripples of this poor teenager's passing for me will not end with a SportsCenter report; it will hit me numerous times in numerous ways, albeit indirectly. But regardless of the ripple effect, let us take a moment, or many moments to cherish life. To work hard but to also play hard. To live each moment as if there were to be no more. Add any life cliche into this text but remember that life is not cliche. Life is fragile, life is temporary, life is fleeting. We never know when our time will be, but take a moment to share life with others, to share God's love with others and to give others the opportunity to spend their life after death in eternity with our Father. I love sports, I'm competitive and I believe fully in the power of hard work and conditioning, but I pray that my love for the game does not supersede my love for others. Ever. Our prayers are with the family of Keeley Dorsey and the athletic family of USF. And may my prayers continue to be with the family of Bradley Mosley, a USF basketball player whom I did have the great priveledge of knowing, who died in October of 2005 after a year long battle with renal cancer. Live, Laugh, Love.

It's Great to be a FLORIDA GATOR!!!

2007-01-09T01:04:00.000-05:00

History!!! SEC Baby! Enough Said!!

Christmas 2006

2006-12-26T19:55:00.000-05:00

Christmas 2006 was by far the best Christmas to date. Not in terms of gifts but in terms of family, friends, and the spirit of giving. My family decided that our money would be better served helping a less fortunate family enjoy a great Christmas so we spent more money on that family than on each other. Which, let me tell you, is a fabulous feeling. I didn't get to see the kids but merely knowing that they had gifts under the tree is a fantastic blessing to me. I will definitely continue in this tradition from now on. Time with family was awesome. I am so blessed to have such a great family. Christmas is a blast now because my cousins, now 5 and 2 1/2, are old enough to enjoy it all. Jackson, the 5 year old, is more concerned about ripping off the wrapping paper while Mason, 2 1/2 and pictured above, would prefer not to have the gifts wrapped at all. He just wants to play. And let me tell you that when Bill Cosby said that Kids Say the Darndest things, he wasn't joking. Each Christmas Eve, my grandmother reads the story of Christ's birth from the gospel of Luke. As she was reading, she got to the part about the people going to town spreading the good news, where she paused and asked what the good news was, to which Mason replied, "It's Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas!" Which of course had all of us in muffled hysteria, trying not to interrupt the reading. I love that kid. And today I had an AP Posse reunion. Let me preface this by explaining the name. I went to a very small high school in which we had 3 AP classes and there were a total of 6 of us in all three. And we all had every single other class together as well. For four years. And we kind of unofficially adopted that name for our little group. Off we went to college, me to USF, three to UF, one to Auburn and one to Johns Hopkins. We all tried to get together during Christmas breaks when we were home but that faded after 2 years. We were all just too busy. Well, this weekend, all of us were home for the holiday so we got together for a couple of hours today. It's amazing how different yet how incredible the same each of us are. And we all have professions that fit each of us perfectly. We have the physical therapist (me), a lawyer, two engineers, a teacher/mother, and a French Literature PhD candidate. And we probably could have picked these professions for each other just based on our time spent together in high school. We had a great time. I hope that another 5 years does not pass before we all get together again. I also believe that this was the best Christmas ever because of the change in spirit and the change in heart noticed in myself. I have grown so much in my relationship with God and it has completely changed my perspective and my outlook on my life and the lives of others. Love and trust. That's a whole separate post but it's the basis and foundation on which my relationships now stand.

photos of christmas

2006-12-24T22:42:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas everyone!

Altar Boyz

2006-12-17T17:14:00.000-05:00

Saturday night, my mom, my aunt, my sister and I went to see the off-Broadway musical "Altar Boyz" down in Sarasota. It was one of the best musicals that I have ever seen. Granted, I'm not well versed in Broadway plays, but this is definitely tops. A great musical comedy that had me laughing the entire night. The premise of the play is a spoof on boy bands in general, with the Christian boy band Altar Boyz playing in their 'final show' on their US Tour. The writers did a phenomenal job with each character, forming them in the likeness of the 'true' boy bands of the late nineties. One thing that I enjoy about most Broadway or off-Broadway shows are the wardrobe and set changes, which this one didn't have, but it didn't take away from the 'musical play' feel. The actors in last nights show were not the NY cast however they definitely could have been. They were absolutely fantastic, both in their singing and acting. I highly recommend this play to everyone!

SEC ya in Glendale. . .

2006-12-04T19:15:00.000-05:00

Oh my! The Gators are SEC champs once again. "Back where we belong" read the sign. And the reward. . . A shot at The Ohio State University, from the conference that can't count, in Glendale, AZ for all the marbles. Granted it may be a long shot, but it's our shot! Celebration was in full effect Saturday night beginning with the halftime cell phone barrage of USC-UCLA updates followed by exceesive chants of U-C-L-A, and ending early on Sunday morning with chants of "Ohio State? Gator Bait!!" My brother and I headed to the ATL earlier Saturday morning and had an absolute blast. We met up with a bunch of his friends for pregame, in game and postgame partying. High fiving random Gator fans, 2-bits and It's great to be a Florida Gator cheers resounding in the rotunda of the CNN center, watching Arkansas idiots with their sparkle-fingers "sooie" cheers become lost in a sea of orange and blue. And of course, the HUGE win. Say what you want about the Gators this year, believe me I have, from how I hate the Tebow package on 2 and 8 to how Urban Meyer is an idiot for trying the spread option with Chris Leak to Spurrier's infamous quotes of "God's smilin' on the Gators." But despite the imperfections of the system, the players, and the ridiculous BCS, we get to settle it on the field Jan 8. I love the Bulls, my alma mater, but I will always bleed Orange and Blue. GO GATORS!!

Fear

2006-11-26T13:02:00.000-05:00

Fear. To be afraid or apprehensive. An unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. All of us have been gripped in the stranglehold of fear at least once in our lifetime. For me, it envelops me. I cannot escape its stronghold. It is evident in the majority of the things that I do. Why do I not surrender fully and completely to the God who is more in love with me that I can imagine? Because I am afraid. Of what, that I cannot be sure. Perhaps of making a mistake, even though I am consciously aware that God’s love for me will never change. And I am beginning to accept and understand that. Why am I so hesitant to talk to other people? General small talk, no big deal but when it comes to issues of the heart or of emotion or feeling, the fortress of my heart is immediately sealed with layers of steel doors not even the most skilled of thieves could penetrate. Fear drives me. Fear of persecution, fear of judgment, fear of letting others see that I don’t have it all together. I hesitate to get down on my knees in prayer and praise during church because I fear others, my own parents even, finding out that things are not as they seem. That there are numerous issues that cause me confusion and heartache. And then they would ask questions. Why are you afraid to talk to your own parents, you may ask? Fear of emotion, fear of feeling, fear of letting others know that I do feel. Fear of letting them down because I don’t have it all together, although secretly I’m sure they already know that. Fear of being condemned and yelled at for not being organized and figuring things out on my own. For not being perfect. Fear keeps me from doing the things that I know I need to do. And often it involved opening myself and being vulnerable in the presence of others. That, to me, is the greatest fear of all. But God replies that perfect love drives out fear. And God gives perfect love. Rains it down profusely and lavishes his mercy, grace and unconditional love without regard. He loves me as I am, not as I think that I should be. And this revelation of which I have known but never understood nor accepted is slowly becoming a reality. Patience, He whispers, be still and wait and My love will drive out your fear. I am learning. Learning to accept, learning to love, learning to wait, and most of all learning to be open and ask for a helping hand. To all who read this, I ask only for your prayers. And I thank every one of you because I know that you will do just that.

I love my sister

2006-11-09T21:40:00.000-05:00

My sister is now 16! (as of about 3 weeks ago)

Alumni Weekend

2006-11-05T21:16:00.000-05:00

Alumni weekend 2006 - Nov 3-5.

Awesome weekend. Banquet on Friday night with the 2006 team receiving their regional championship rings (which I will say that if the playoff setup had been like this: regionals, super regionals, world series - I'd have 2 rings at least), the induction of my teammate and close friend Courtney Lewellen to the Hall of Fame, great food, very nice setup. Post banquet party at Carmela's aunts house and that was way too wild but a good time. Saturday football game, tailgate, dinner with two of the 2006 graduates. Sunday: alumni v alumni slowpitch game which I played under protest but was actually really fun. Odd graduation years won, of course because we are awesome! Then lunch at Beef's with some crazy stories being told from the 95-99 graduation years. Met some great old alumni/new friends and am already looking forward to next year. To the 2007 team, make us proud! Go Bulls!

Weekend of Firsts

2006-10-22T12:49:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I flew to the frozen tundra for a far too quick visit with my best friend. I has gone with the intention of celebrating Nicole's engagement and seeing the fall leaves for the first time, however Jack Frost decided to visit the day before I arrived, rendering everything dead. My visit lasted all of 48 hours but within that time, I experienced numerous firsts in my life.

First time seeing Nicole's ring - beautiful I might add. Great Job Michael!
First time at a Big Ten game (Badgers) - UF games are WAY more fun. GO SEC!
First time seeing an apple tree
First time picking apples - surprisingly fun. And there are millions of different types!
First time seeing fried cheese curds - not a chance in the world that I would eat them
First time wearing waders - and a good thing because the water was all of 50 degrees
First time dismantling a pier - they have to be taken down in the winter. Who knew!
First time throwing up - ever
First time in a corn maze - crop circles come to life
First time driving/riding on a car ferry - way cool!
First time falling asleep in a movie theater - I was still sick

For some reason, I thought there was something else but it's Sunday afternoon so my mind isn't working too well. All in all, it was a great weekend. I wish I could have stayed longer. I miss my friend. Here's to more great memories made and hoping for many more to come!

Motown Magic

2006-10-07T18:50:00.000-05:00

David versus Goliath. George Mason versus UConn. Or as one commentor pop cultured it; Average Joe's versus Robo Gym. No matter how you shake it, on paper, the Detriot Tigers had no chance. Especially with the way they have played down the stretch. But that's why you play the game. Tonight, in the bitter cold of downtown Detroit, MI, the Tigers pulled off the 8-3 win to clinch the ALDS championship over the Yankees. And then, they celebrated with their fans. Fans who endured the 119-loss season, worst in MLB history, only 3 seasons ago. Spraying champagne into the stands, throwing hats, batting gloves, slapping hands, pure celebration. You would have thought they had just won the World Series. Some might criticize this celebratory action, seeing as it is only the ALDS. Me, I think it's great. You play the game because you love it but it's the fans that make the game. They bring the energy. They live and die with the players. Yes, it's only a game and there are matters in life more pressing than sports, but it's nice to be able to let those go for a few hours and enjoy the good in life. And to have those priviledged few step out of the spotlight, down from the pedestal to celebrate with those who make the game what it is, I can not offer more praise to Jimmy Leyland and his Tigers. Early celebration? Remember 119. Go Tigers!

QB Controversy?

2006-09-23T21:55:00.000-05:00

I know that my blog is not a even blip on the radar screen of yahoo! top websites visited but to all those who faithfully delve into the world of cherry licorice and Code Red, I want to offer my rebuttal to the lovely announcers on ESPN who covered the UF-Kentucky game tonight. Topic of discussion at the end of the 3rd quarter and throughout the 4th quarter was the overwhelming applause for the freshman Tim Tebow when he entered the game and the boos offered when he left. Too many times the announcers commented on the Gator fans thinking that Tebow should replace Leak as the starter. I can't speak for the entire Gator Nation, but I can offer some insight from some of the huddled masses that represent the majority of us. Gator Nation loves Chris Leak. We also love Tim Tebow. But Leak is our starter and we are VERY excited about that. He is a very heady and smart quarterback, a great leader both on and off the field. He has picked up the offense and is running it to near perfection. And we cheer for Tebow because we love his passion and enthusiasm on the field. Leak is our present; the Gators will go as far as Leak leads us. And we are excited about that prospect. And Tebow is our future. And our future looks very bright! But quarterback controversy? I think not. It's Leak. He's 4-0, he's putting up a bid for the Heisman, he's playing smart (for the most part). And we in the Gator Nation are thrilled!

Shake Rattle and Roll

2006-09-10T21:54:00.000-05:00

It's supposed to be impossible. There are no tectonic plates near the penisula. But I'm finding out that with Mother Nature, influenced completely by the Big Man upstairs, nothing is impossible. At 10:56 am, this morning, Sunday September 10, 2006, an earthly tremble of some kind caused an earthquake in the Gulf, 251 miles west of Bradenton Beach. I personally felt the shock waves. I was the ultimate slacker this morning and slept in until 10:30, missing church. I was in the bathroom washing my face when the entire shower and pipes and toilet and sink start shaking. My first thought was that some ungodly sized woodpecker was beating on the house outside of the bathroom window. The shaking continued for a good 10-20 seconds. I walked to the next door over, which is my brothers room, to look out the window but nothing was there. "That was totally weird, " I thought to myself. About an hour later, my brother and his girlfriend walk into the house and Ryan asks "Did you hear about the earthquake?" I was like, and this is total valley girl/california hang ten spea (which happens quite frequently when I'm excited), "Dude, the house totally shook about an hour ago. Are you serious? There was a freakin' earthquake? I was totally standing in the bathroom and everything just totally starting shaking. Dude, that's awesome! " On goes the TV to BayNews9, and lo and behold, a 6.0 earthquake out in the Gulf. Tremors felt North to Gainesville, which is in the middle of the state, and along the Alabama coastline. My first earthquake, and I live in a place where earthquakes are virtually impossible. And I actually felt it. How freakin' cool is that?

Bling Bling

2006-09-08T23:33:00.000-05:00

My best friend is engaged!!!! I am so insanely happy for her and her fiance! Everybody knew it was coming, it was just a matter of when. And when was Thursday night. From her description, it was beautiful. Peaceful, serene, in a familiar place of their past, with Mike so full of excitement he was going a mile a minute. It's awesome!! I'm so excited and so happy! Congratulations Nicole and Mike.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

2006-09-02T23:14:00.000-05:00

September and October are my favorite months of the year. Not because fall is coming or the leaves or changing or the weather is getting cooler (because none of this really happens in FL anyway so I don't know what that's like) but because baseball is in the playoff push and football is back in full swing. For those of you living under a rock at the bottom of the Artic Ocean, college football started today. Well, technically it started Thursday night with the 150th win for the Ole Ball Coach, but today is Saturday #1. I love college football. Period. I love it. The passion, the excitement, the 85,000+ sweaty, painted fans packed sardine style into stadiums with 20,000 more tailgating outside. The adrenaline. The hard hits. The chest bumps. The threaded passes. And the Prothro catches on the back of the defender. It's sweet. This is definitely the most wonderful time of the year, I don't care what those Christmas Carolers say. By the way, Brady Quinn is hot! So is Jeff Samardzjia. So I'll be ok if Dame wins it all. :)

The Chapter Ends but the Legacy Remains

2006-08-24T21:33:00.000-05:00

Today the announcement was made that USF softball's associate head coach Stacey Heintz is resigning effective Sept. 1. Stacey has been a mainstay at USF for the past 10 years, and has been a vital ingredient in recruiting and keeping players as well as in the overall success of the program. She lead the team to a 60-14 record in 2004 while Ken was out and about with the Olympic team. Stacey possesses immense knowledge of the game and an effective means of sharing that knowledge with her players. She is an amazing coach but more than that she is an outstanding person and a great friend. She was a key factor in my decision to attend USF and about 75% of the reason that I decided to stay for my entire four year career despite incredible disappointments and hardships. After graduating, I remained a part of the softball program for 2 years, serving as a graduate assistant. Over those two years and continuing this year as well, Stacey and I developed a friendship that began my junior year of college. She has become a mentor to me, someone that I admire and look up to, even seeking advice on life and finances and softball. Her decision to leave was based completely on her family, as her husband Chris is playing in the Twins organization and her son Ethan will be one on Sept 3rd. I understand and completely respect her decision to leave something that she truly loves out of respect and love and what is in the best interest for her family. Her presence on the field and within the athletic department will truly be missed. The program will never be the same. I am overjoyed with the fact that Stacey will be able to spend more time with Chris and Ethan and that she is dedicated and committed to her family but saddened that she will be leaving the softball field. But her legacy will forever live on at USF, through the current players and staff, the alumni and through the friends that she has made along the way. Best of luck to my former coach and forever friend.

On his own

2006-08-22T20:51:00.000-05:00

My brother officially moved out yesterday. He didn't go far, just to Davis Island as he will be playing baseball for the University of Tampa this year, but he is officially out of the house. We're taking bets on when he will be back. I said Friday night. He called me tonight to ask if I was staying over at his place since I may be doing that on Tuesday nights since I have to get up early on Wednesday mornings but he was so cute. He was completely bored out of his mind since he is in an apartment complex that houses little to no students and his roommateis out of town for the week. He's getting good workout time though. And he went grocery shopping. For the first time ever I think! My little bro is growing up. It's about time! Here's hoping for a great baseball season, an injury free baseball season so that he can stay young for a little while longer. No need to get a real job if you can play for money!

The big 2-5

2006-08-20T20:08:00.000-05:00

Hard to believe this cute little kid is me! And that as of today I've been on this earth for 25 years. Half the time I still feel like a little kid. The other half I feel like I'm 80. I still act like a kid though. I will always be young at heart.

"We've got Cows"

2006-08-14T20:53:00.000-05:00

So I'm driving south down I-75 tonight about 8:00. I'm coming back home after going to dinner in Tampa. I'm nearing the Brandon exit, staring straight into a menacing expanse of black sky. Not just black, like charcoal black. Erratic strands of blinding white periodically illuminate this deleterious mess. Me, I'm just chillin' listening to my music, not giving heed to what lay ahead. Nonchalantly, I turn my head to the right, just giving a passing glance to the surrounding sky. Something catches my eye; I double-take. What, you ask, caught my periphery? (If you really asked that question, obviously you did not see the picture that I started this post off with, but for the sake of suspense. . .) A devious, twisting spiral floating out of the sky. In the name of Dr. Jo Harding (that was Helen Hunt's character's name)! I could practically reach out and touch it!! (Not really but it makes the story sound better. But I really could see the rotation of the twister as it made it's way to the ground.) So I grab my phone, frantically punching in numbers, calling everyone I know. Alerting them of this freakish feat of Mother Nature. Ok, so I was really calling to say how freakin' awesome it was. I totally would have chased it if I wasn't going 80 on the interstate. And if it didn't break up as soon as it neared the ground. No, this was not the first tornado I have ever seen. I used to see quite a few that began as waterspouts when I stayed out at the beach. But this was the first one that I've ever seen hit the ground, the first one where I could see each corkscrew spiral toward the ground. It was truly amazing! (No cows were harmed during the writing of this post. I cannot speak for their safety during the tornado.)

Update

2006-08-10T20:55:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been forever since I blogged. But nothing exciting has been happening so there is not much to report. I'm working a lot and staying very very busy. And I'm not complaining about that. I absolutely love it. I earned a bonus this past month by averaging 12 patients a day for the entire month. It's a small bonus but a bonus nonetheless. It's more that we are that busy than me being a good therapist but hey I'll take it! But I'm really enjoying it. Still looking for a house to buy. I'm trying to figure out location right now. Riverview is most affordable but there is not much there. Brandon is closer to work and to the mall. Tampa is were everyone is and down here the water is very appealing. Although the prices in the last two places are quickly ruling them out. I've been looking at investments and CD's and all that grown-up stuff. Everything is kind of a mess right now. I have to organize this weekend and figure out where I want my money. It's fun but I think I'd rather act like a kid and not have to worry about it. Other than that, there's not much else going on. I'll try to do a better job about writing though. If nothing else, it's therapeutic.

I Love This Game!

2006-07-10T20:29:00.000-05:00

Watching the Home Run Derby right now. My pick to win, the major underdog David Wright, who shockingly belted 16 in round 1. And this year they carry over. I should have put money on that pick. Anyway, watching all of this and all of the fanfare prior to reminds me once again how much I love this game. I love to watch it, I love to play it, I love to practice it, I love just being around it. I'm playing slow-pitch on a co-rec team right now as my way to stay in touch with my inner kid but I have yet to play a game with them. The first two weeks I was out of town with the USF girls, then we has to forfeit because we didn't have enough players, then we had two weeks off, the two rain outs in a row and yesterday the other team didn't show. So some of us stayed around to hit and mess around. I was playing second and with any ball hit to the middle infield, Nate (our SS) and I were rolling two. I was showboating a little bit but we weren't really playing and I was having fun but we were killing the DP. It was awesome. I was diving all over the field, jumping off the wrong foot to spin it, flipping the ball behind my back. Man, I just love to play this game. I miss it so much. I really wish that I would have had the opportunity to show everyone that I could truly play this game that I love so much. The game will never ever leave me. I love it too much.

The Land of Cheese and Beer. . .and best friends

2006-07-06T21:36:00.000-05:00

My best friend Nicole moved back to Wisconsin this May after finishing school and I went up to visit her over this past weekend. I left Friday and got back Tuesday night. I had an AWESOME weekend. I had so much fun. Her house is incredible and it sits on this huge lake with floor to ceiling windows looking out over the lake. I could see the sun rise over the lake every morning. It was beautiful! I spent 4 days in the sun and don't ever remember going inside while the sun was shining. Talk about a tan! I wakeboarded for the first time ever and totally ate it a bunch of times but at least I can say that I did get up on my first try. May not have stayed up long but I got up. Man, am I sore though. Apparently that's because I was working too hard, according to Nicole. I had to burn calories somehow!!! I had a great time and it was so hard to come back home. Partly because I could stay on the lake forever and be a bum and partly because I don't know when I'm going to get to see Nicole again. We have so much fun together and I miss her. At least I can tuck away another awesome memory with my best friend. Miss ya and love ya kid!! (this is us at UCLA, I didn't bring a camera to WI! Oops)

Changes

2006-05-29T21:00:00.000-05:00

I'm not exactly a change aficienado. Truthfully, I don't really care for it at all, even though I know it's inevitable and it breeds growth. But I'm always so resistant to it. When softball was over for me, I had a very difficult time finding something else to fill that void in my life. Dealing with losing something that had been a huge part of you for the better part of your existence is not easy. And losing my cousin to drugs at the same time didn't make it any easier. It took me a while. Since then, my life has been a complete whirlwind of struggles and heartache and valleys with very few signs of a peak and I'm still working through some of that. All of the changes brought personal growth and as much as they still hurt, I'm grateful for the lessons learned. But it was also nice to have a little bit of softball to hold on to with 'my freshmen' still playing and it helped having my best friend around. Well, nothing stays the same. The girls are done, so all my ties to softball are gone. And that is hard. There is really no way to explain that. And my best friend is moving back to Wisconsin. It really just hit me like 30 minutes ago. It doesn't sound like a big deal and I'm probably acting like a child, but I've honestly never had a best friend other than her, so having her leave is just weird. To be honest, I don't think I've ever had a friend leave. I've always been the one who left and I didn't have any really close friends to leave. Anyway, all this rambling is just me trying to find some way to sort through whatever this is that I'm feeling. You know what they say, the only thing that remains the same is change. Or something like that.

Beverly Hills, that's where I'm gonna be!

2006-05-24T12:44:00.000-05:00

Ok, so not quite in the 90210 but close. I'm headed to West Coast to watch the team play this weekend. Crazy, I know, but I've never been accused of being sane. I'm pumped. Maybe I'm living a little vicariously through them, but when you love a game so much and you've sacrificed so much of yourself for it, all you want is to play for the championship. My brother said "You don't play ball all year just to play, you play for this." So true. And this may be my only shot, even though I'm not playing. This is the last year that people that I played with will be on the team so this is the last time I can consider myself part of 'the team.' And I use 'team' loosely. But regardless, I'm going to support them. I'm going to watch my girls beat the number one team in the country!!! And while I'm there, I guess I'll swing by the Hills, cruise Rodeo, light up the Sunset Strip. Yeah right, I'm parking it on the beach and learning to surf the Cali waves!! And then back to Westwood for the games. GO BULLS!

Let's pack up and head to California!

2006-05-21T17:10:00.000-05:00

My Girls did it! USF softball won regionals today and are headed out to the west coast for super regionals. Just a 3 game set away from Oklahoma City! Granted that 3 game set is against #1 ranked UCLA but guess what? George Mason beat #1 UConn and went to the Final Four. My Girls can pull this one off. Two wins, just two wins from the dance. I'm estatic!! I have not the words to say nor type right now! I am so excited! And yes, until this year is over, I will continue to refer to them as my girls. Because these seniors are my freshmen, my group of girls and I could not be more proud of each and every one of them. They are leaders. And Ecks may just be a little frosh this year, but she's included in that group. Congrats girls. And don't tell them to bring their slippers out to LA because Cinderella's story ends at Midnight. They're pulling out the Miracle, USA over Russia, Hickory over South Bend Central, USF over UCLA! (And catch them on ESPN or ESPN2 this weekend)

The Party Planner

2006-05-16T20:55:00.000-05:00

Jennifer Lopez makes wedding planning look like a walk in the park. And along that walk she gets the dream man of every girl's fantasy in Matthew McConahey. I spent the last 2 1/2 weeks planning a surprise party for my best friend and if I was traveling through the park, it was Central Park times 5 in a dead sprint. And Matthew McConahey was nowhere to be found. Much to my dismay. Granted my party was no where as spectacular as the Hollywood produced galas seen in movies, but stil it definitely took A LOT of work. And then trying to host the party - the debutant gene skipped a generation. I purposefully skipped Cotillion for that very reason. I have to be the very worst conversationalist in the entire solar system. And an every lousier party host. But regardless of my shortcomings, the party went well. Or so it seems. The surprise held up and most everyone showed up and at least acted like they were having a good time. The only issue was just a minor one - the cake melted so it was more ice cream soup and less ice cream cake but we managed. Thank you to all of you who came. I really appreciate it. Less for me and more for Nicole, but still, I really appreciate all of you. Thank you for all of the help as well. And even though the party was a success, it is going to be a long time before I host another one. I'm thoroughly exhausted. I was definitely not cut out to be a party planner.

Epiphanies

2006-04-23T20:34:00.000-05:00

Epiphany: (as defined by merriam-webster) a (1) : a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2) : an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking (3) : an illuminating discovery b : a revealing scene or moment

Epiphany: (as defined by me) A momemt of clarity in which God pulls open the shade of small window and lets me glimpse at understanding

I'm moving back to Tampa - well I'm moving back with my parents until I can buy a house in the Tampa area. I got a new job in Brandon. M-F, weekends and holidays off, more money, working with people who may actually want to get better. It's new, it's different, it's going to be a lot more mentally challenging than persuading people to get up and walk. But for me, personally and probably professionally, it's a better move. You see, moving to Gainesville was more me running away than anything else. Sure, it was a place that I always wanted to be, and I have a good job and all that stuff, but if you scrape away all of my surface reasons for moving up here, it basically reveals that I ran away. Somebody mentioned to me once that they were concerned that my decision to take a job up here was running away. I told them they were crazy. And I thought they were. But after 6 months away and some serious soul searching and God time, it was brought to my attention that running was exactly what I was doing. That I was in the right place all along. I don't regret my decision to take a job in Gainesville, nor am I upset that I am leaving a job after only 6 months. I learned some very essential things about myself, about situations and circumstances, about perceptions and fears, about so many things that I can't even list them all. It's been a struggle and a tumultous 6 months but it was as if a bunch of little light bulbs slowly started to turn on, like lights at a baseball field - it takes them a minute to warm up and light the entire field. But once illuminated, it's a bright a day. Over the past week, God has opened the shade, he has turned on those lights, he has answered my prayers and the prayers of others and he has given me a brief look at understanding. And by moving away, I have found where I am supposed to be. And it's back where I came from.

National Champs!!!

2006-04-06T18:07:00.000-05:00

I thought the SEC and the Pac-10 were supposed to be the weak conferences in Men's Basketball. A final four with two from the southeast, one from the pacific coast and one crazy mid-major from a conference in which you can't spell NCAA without the CAA proves that you don't play the game on paper. And you don't win championships with a player of the year or the scoring champ or some tall lazy center who wears his hair in dreads and probably couldn't spell UConn while looking at his jersey. It's about team. The best TEAM wins. And this year, the best team has FLORIDA written across their jerseys. This place is a nuthouse right now. Monday night was amazing. People in the streets, all the way down University from the O Dome east as far as the eye could see. Yelling and screaming and hugging each other and just having a great time. It's not as great as winning a championship with my team, but at least I was fortunate enough to experience the atmosphere and celebration of a champion. Congrats boys. You deserve it. And enjoy it because it will be over before you know it. Who says the boys in orange and blue can't play hoops? Da na na na na GO GATORS! Chomp!

Madness it is

2006-03-18T20:19:00.000-05:00

WOW. That's all I can say about the first two rounds of the NCAA Mens basketball tourney. And there is still one more day to go before the Sweet 16 is set. Don't get me wrong, the brackets are fun and it's great to beat out friends and co-workers and get to wave the banner of pride until the next 'betting' sporting event comes around but I would have gladly sacrificed my entire bracket to see Albany finish strong and knock the crap out of UConn. That is what college sports is all about. The underdog, playing for pride, in your team, in your school, in yourself. It's playing for the name on the front of your jersey, not the name on your back. It's the no names stepping up HUGE to drain the buzzer beating 3. It the sweat and the pain and hard work all paying off with clutch free throws down the stretch. It's Bradley over Kansas. It's Witchita State over Tennessee. It's a last second prayer by Northwestern State to beat Iowa. A Basketball Belt Big Ten team. The Big Ten tourney champ. This is what sports are about. This is why you play the game. Be it basketball, baseball, football, soccer, softball whatever. This is why you play the game. I LOVE IT!!!!! MADNESS COMPLETE AND UTTER MADNESS!!!!

Spring is in the air

2006-03-09T17:54:00.000-05:00

The sweet sound of wood on rubber. The smell of fresh cut grass. The transition of full sprint to complete horizontal lay out, mindlessly sacrificing body to swipe a ball destined for green right out of the air. The cool breeze on a cloudless, sunny day. Spring training is in full swing. I love it. Opening day is just a stones throw away. I can't wait. I may take the day off. Just to do it. That's how much I love it. It doesn't get any better than this. All throughout Florida and Arizona, from day break to sun down, sometimes under the lights, if you listen closely, you can hear it. You can see it. You can smell it. Spring is definitely in the air!

On a random but related note: I had the game winning hit last night at my softball game - one hopped the fence 300 feet away! Believe me, it will never happen again in my lifetime but it did this time. And for probably the 2nd time in my entire life, I didn't brush it off like it was not a big deal. I let myself enjoy the moment. It was fantastic!

Softball

2006-03-02T23:07:00.000-05:00

I went to the USF-UF softball game last night, a rivalry game that I haven't missed in 7 years. Granted, 4 of those years I was in uniform for, but still. And even though I've hung up my jersey and traded metal spikes for generic rubber ones, the impact and the intensity of this game in particular hasn't changed for me. I hate losing to UF. More than anyone else. With the exception of maybe DePaul. And we lost so needless to say it wasn't a happy night. But more than anything, it's a reminder of how much I love this game - the game of softball. I miss it. Every day I miss it. Maybe not the 6 am workouts or the red eye cross country flights the night before a major exam or the butt chewings after losses to teams that shouldn't be allowed to wash our cleats, but overall, I miss it.

In a feeble attempt to manage my longing to play the game I love, I'm playing co-rec slow pitch with some of the people I work with. Some people are supremely intense in this league and others are lucky they have someone around to tell them what hand the glove goes on. For me, it's just fun. It has to be. Unless you've played college ball, you wouldn't really understand. It's just not the same. Yes, I'm getting to play but it's different. The camaraderie isn't there. The intensity isn't there. The National Championship dreams aren't there. But I'm playing. And I'm enjoying it. It may be weird but it was so incredible to lace up those spikes again. Even if they were rubber.

I've been playing traveling softball since I was 8 years old. Every spring and summer and into the fall from 8-21 I could be found on the ball field. The park that I now play at for slow pitch was a park that I used to play at when I first started. I remembered the name but couldn't remember the park at all. Until last Wednesday when I got there. There is this little wooden bridge that you walk over as you enter the park. I starting walking across it and all of a sudden I was 10 again. It was a total time warp and I could see everything as it was 14 years ago. It was incredible and my eyes watered. All those memories; 15 years worth of them came flooding back. Man, I miss the game.

It goes by way too fast. My freshmen are now seniors. Another girl wears my number. (But she's cool so it's ok!) My locker is gone. Even my managers locker is taken. All I have left are the memories. And I will cherish each and every one. Live each day to the fullest. You never know when it's going to be your last. And you don't get to choose.

UF FCA

2006-02-10T23:08:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday night I went with a high school friend of mine to UF's FCA. She's in law school up here and was very involved in FCA as an undergrad and one of her favorite speakers was in town speaking Wednesday. His name is Clayton King and if you haven't heard him speak before, jump at the first opportunity that you get. He is truly amazing. He is passionate about God, passionate for God and passionate for teenagers and college-aged kids. That is his ministry: high school and college. He's dynamic, funny, keeps his audience involved and his passion is evident in every word that he speaks. And most important, he's sharing the love that he knows with others.

Apparently Wednesday night was a last minute gig for him (he's been speaking at UF's FCA for 10 years and happened to be in Orlando for a few days doing a conference) and he did things a little differently from what is apparently his norm. I guess he typically does evangelism type stuff where people bring lost friends to introduce them to Jesus through Clayton. But on that night, he spoke for the believers. The passage of study was Ephesians 1:3-14 with the title, and I use that word losely, "What does God get out of our salvation or God's perspective on our salvation".

During Impact Bible studies this past summer, John went through Ephesians with us and did a phenomenal job I might add. Since I was already familiar with the passage of scripture from John's study, I was able to take what I had learned from him and delve into it a little bit deeper on my own through Clayton's words. To type out everything that was coming out of his mouth and everything that was going through my head would be a bit much (not like this isn't already) but just the key points of the sermon really hit home.

*Key Point: God does not need anything. He is Sovereign, he does not need fulfillment- he is fulfillment. But he still enjoys our relationship, he enjoys our salvation and this is what he gets out of it.

His pleasure – He finds pleasure in our salvation. Think of something that you did for someone and it gave you more pleasure to give them that. Multiply that by infinity and that’s the pleasure God gets when one of his children chooses salvation. Example: the pleasure you feel when a child reaches his arms up to you to be hugged. Multiplied.

His plan: God is all-knowing. Nothing happens without his knowledge. And God will use all the things that happen in your life to prepare and further your relationship with him and to further his plan. What is His plan? God only knows. To have all of his children come to know him. He wants all to be saved. (1 peter 3:9). But we will never understand God’s plan for our lives. We can stop trying. To get the most out of a relationship with God and to grow in him, don’t try so hard, start surrendering more. It’s that whole letting go thing again. Surrender more to know God more intimately.

His praise: God loves to be praised. And He deserves it.

o “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain to receive the reward of his suffering.” – We are the reward of his suffering. Jesus deserves us. He died for us. He deserves our praise, our plans, our entire lives.

There's that whole surrender thing again. It's coming from everywhere; it has no hiding place. Maybe that's my cue to stop writing and actually DO something about it. Like drop this whole subconscious battle with my pride, admit that I can't control everything, lay it at the foot of the cross and walk away. In the words of the great Obi-wan Kenobi "Use the Force [Rachel]. Let go, [Rachel]."

The Great Numa

2006-02-06T21:32:00.000-05:00

All true sports fans should give thanks to Numa Pompilius. His name may not spark excitement like Ruth, Gehrig, Mantle, Jimmy Valvano, Pat Summitt, Joe Cool or Broadway Joe but he ought to be recognized with the same awe and respect. Our man Numa was the creator of the Roman Calender. Back when baseball was being played with rocks and caveman clubs, (the 8 century BC), Numa added 2 months to the calender to create that which we now use today - January and February. In order to make his twelve months fit an even 355 days, he needed one month to be shorter. Now we all know that a year has 365 days and of course Juluis Caeser would be the one to change that, but it was Pompilius who wanted February shortened. The reason most braindead historians tell us is that it was a month not liked by many because it was in the dead of winter. So shorten it and make spring sooner. Whatever. My theory: Pompilius was a go-getter, a real sports fan. God gave him a premonition that over 2000 years later, the Super Bowl would be played at the end of January (which it had been until after 2001) and that Spring Training and the college basketball tournament would commence at the beginning of March. So he shortened February so that we would not have to deal with the tortures of only having NBA basketball as a pseudo-sport to watch for long. In a tribute to Tyler - BRILLIANT! What better way to transition than to shorten the month. A certain stroke of genius. So now, when asked who my favorite sports figure is, my answer is sure to be The Great Numa!!!

The Masked Marauder

2006-02-03T14:13:00.000-05:00

When I was in high school we had a resident raccoon that made his home in the trees next to my designated parking spot in the driveway. He frequently left the entanglement of the brush to make an appearance just as I was getting out of my car and never failed to make me pause if only for a second. Over the 2 1/2 years that I lived at that house our paths crossed close to 30 times. And to my recollection, I never once gave more than a passing glance to his Mask of Zorro-esque face. As I was driving through my apartment complex on the way to work Wednesday morning, a distant cousin of my furry friend ran out in front of my car. For those of you who are aware of my difficulties with cars and animals, no I did not hit him: he was a good 20 yards in front of me. Surprising my attention was diverted directly to his masked face. My first thought was "I've never paid attention to that before." So I let myself ponder for a moment. And seriously that's all it took. Like a flash of lightning in a midnight thunderstorm, the illumination was bright and perfectly clear. I have been stealing away some wonderful aspects of my life. By trying to define them, by trying to understand them; the good and the bad. By trying to put a price on things that have a value far beyond any monetary worth. It was a very strange realization that probably only makes sense to me, but it has already made a profound impact on my life. It was keeping me from fully enjoying the blessings that God has freely given to me. But instead of trying to right a wrong, I've decided to make the change for the present.

My brain must be completely clear because I think I'm really tuned into God right now. The more that I thought about that raccoon, the more I realized that like my previous post, the raccoon has more than one meaning in my life right now. Satan is commonly referred to as a serpent however the coon could be another symbol of the many ways that the devil tries to pull my attention away from God. Have you ever woken up in the morning and seen the trash bag after a raccoon gets a hold of it? Let's just say it's not pretty. There is trash EVERYWHERE, strewn all over the road, the driveway, in the way of everything and the whole block knows what was on this week's dinner menu. Satan is like that. He'll come in the dead of night or in the broad daylight and rummage through our 'trash', spreading it all over the road in front of us. It's messy, it's a pain to clean up and sometimes everyone else around us sees what we've tried to keep under wraps. Anger mounts, frustration builds and all that hurt from before it back. That's the worst. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with that. I'm sure it probably has something to do with 'letting it go.'

I've also realized that sometimes I'm the raccoon. I'll dig through my 'trash;' my past, my struggles, etc., pull them out in front of me, try to clean them up and wonder why in the heck the trash guy hasn't come to take it away yet. Probably because when He's ready to take it away, I've already strewn it all over the street and am so ticked off that I don't want any help picking it up. It's weird how I do that. I dig around and find something to chew on all the while knowing why I threw it out in the first place. It sure doesn't taste any better the second time around. Probably worse because it's been sitting there souring for a while. The only difference is that there isn't as much to swallow this time. But the bitterness in the taste is worse. I don't want to relive all that stuff but I do anyway. Again, it's that letting go and rendering control thing. It's everywhere! At least I know what my Masked Marauder is now and I have a personal relationship my Knight in Shining Armor that will defeat it. I just have to let Him. (I guess I could have easily titled this post the week of epiphanies since I've had like a million of them!)

Goodbye for Now

2006-01-25T22:17:00.000-05:00

There is a line in P.O.D.'s new song "Goodbye for Now" that goes, "the hardest part of holding on is letting it go." I'm sure that these ten words can be interpreted in a number of different ways. They mean different things to me. Two ways in particular. But with either one I choose to examine, I find that the message is extremely powerful. It strikes at the very heart of me.

Forgiviness. It's one of the hardest things for many people to do. And I am no exception to that. Sometimes I think that I am forgiving someone or that I have forgiven someone but I'll wake up the next day and find that I am continuing to harbor anger or bitterness. Letting that hurt and that pain go is difficult, especially when that person or people may not deserve forgiveness or have not so much as thought about apologizing. But holding on hurts worse than letting go. Yet I hold tightly, waiting for some semblence of an apology or reason to forgive. A couple of weeks ago my devotional addressed this very issue. About pinning a perceived debt on someone because they have hurt you. They may have known that they hurt you but they are not aware of the emotional struggle that you are going through. I put myself through torment and misery, reliving the hurt and waiting for an apology. That person, or people in my case, did not know what I was struggling with inside. I was doing it to myself. And then I read the parable of the man who wiped out a huge debt that one of his servants owed him and then that servant went out and forced another to pay a much smaller debt owed to him. And he was reprimanded severely for it. It totally parallels God and us. He has totally and completely wiped out all of our debts by sending his Son to die for our sins. It's a good thing too because we could never repay them. And he doesn't expect us to. So I need to do the same: wipe out the debt of apology, let go and truly forgive. I did and I have never felt such peace in my life. God's love for us is amazing and we need to show that and share that more often. The greatest feeling in the world is knowing that if I were the only person in the world that Jesus had to die for, God would have sent Him to die anyway because God loves me enough to want me with Him in Heaven. How amazing is that! So the least I can do is let go and forgive.

The other meaning that this phrase take on is my life in general. All areas; work, friendships, relationships, sports, whatever. I have found through unwanted experiences that the only way to truly hold on to something is to let it go. And for me, letting go and rendering control is not something that I do easily. It means trusting someone else with my future, with the people that I love. I don't trust easily. Most of the time, I don't trust at all. Other than myself. So letting go and letting someone that I can't see, that I can't hear, that I can't touch be in complete control of my life and of the wellbeing of those that I love turns my stomach inside out. It's the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. This line is a reminder to me that even though it is hard, letting go and giving it to God is the only way to hold on to it. It's an every day task for me, something that I will struggle with each and every day. But I make it a point to lay it at the foot of the cross every day. Sometimes I take it back. Lots of time I take it back. But after I struggle and ache and hurt trying to do it myself, I give it back. It's a trust thing. And I'm working on it. So Goodbye for Now.

Simple Things

2006-01-22T17:50:00.000-05:00

I am severely lacking in all areas of creativity so please excuse the somewhat ridiculous title of this blog. But for anyone who knows me, you'll notice that it fits quite nicely. I was told last night by my best friend that I'd be a really cheap date. Put a Code Red MD in one hand, twizzlers in the other and sit me down on the couch in front of a sporting event. Nice of her, huh? Too bad it's completely true. What can I say? It's the simple things in life that mean the most. The rubber match of an air hockey game, ear piercing serenades in the car with the radio blarring, the smell of fresh cut grass in early March, dirt stains in baseball pants, a sacrifice bunt, a letter from a friend, a sincere thank you, sitting on the couch with the one you love. Maybe someday soon I'll get to experience the last one. On many occassions, I can be found engaging in my 'obsessive talk' of money and cars and lifestyles of the rich and the famous, but given the choice, I'll take the simple things every time. Chalk it up to maturity, age or blatent stupidity. But within the simple things, memories are made: forever etched in our hearts and minds. And those always leave you with a smile.